Having a rough day? Can’t seem to beat down that Sisyphean to-do list? Starting to think that Tim Ferriss and his 4-hour work week can shove it?
I feel you, fellow founder. I really do. That’s why I’ve put together this list of my all time top productivity hacks, gleaned from reading tens of thousands of productivity porn posts in the course of my time as a tech blogger. Oh yeah, some of them are also from personal experience – but I’m not telling which.
1. Drink wine instead of coffee.
Startup founders are known for their massive amounts of coffee consumption, downing cup after cup just to get through the day. But you’re an innovator! A disrupter! Why should you do what everyone else does?
Forget the coffee, the tea, and grab a tasty bottle of Malbec (or three) and start downing it as soon as you roll out of bed. Studies show that drinking improves creative thinking, so who knows what amazing ideas you haven’t been having since you’ve been working sober? Cheers!
2. Enjoy a little afternoon delight.
Nothing encourages productivity like a little afternoon nookie, know what I’m sayin’? Whether you’re getting your loving with a special someone or flying solo, that post-O glow will push you right over the edge into a delicious, long nap.
How does that effect productivity, you ask? Simple! You’ll wake up feeling happy and refreshed and ready to hit the to-do list – and the bottle – all over again.
3. Eat McDonald’s – every day.
The sugar spikes that fast food gives you will push you out of your sex and wine induced haze long enough to write at least a couple of the emails you really should have written earlier in the day. If words aren’t working so well for, consider going through your site’s code searching for bugs.
If you go the email route, you may end up with some very confused associates. If you go the code route, chances are your site is going to end up looking like the inside of a hotel room after Miley Cyrus is done with it but you never know! There could be genius in there! Don’t knock it ’til you try it.
4. Standing desk? Try a lying down desk!
Beds work just fine! One of the greatest things about being your own boss is that you never have to get out of bed, if you don’t want to. Of course, not getting out of bed can result in bedsores, but who cares when you’re building an empire?
Go ahead, snuggle right in. Conduct business meetings from your bed. Oh, you’re worried no one will take you seriously? It may be those footie pajamas you’re rocking…
Did I miss anything?
If the wine, sex, fast food, and bed/desk don’t do it for you, I’m not sure if you’re cut out to be as productive as I am. Better get back to those regular workouts, green drinks, and goal-setting, startup founder. They may be the better route for you.